A valium a day keeps the noose away!

cheapimmitation @ 2008-05-23T07:08:00

2008-05-22T21:09:01Z

FUCK OFF

cheapimmitation @ 2007-06-15T21:48:00

2007-06-15T11:50:12Z

KETAMINE: Get amongst it!

PLUS New-New Yearz REZ'ES?

2007-05-19T23:39:38Z

* Join or form a cult based on brain-washing, lies AND crafty money making schemes.

* Become a welfare tax cheat, shonky builder, negligent doctor and single teen mother who rips off 85 year old nursing home patients with false claims of miracle cures for various diseases.

* Attend more funerals [this one's a bit circumstantial]

* And, obviously, talk about minimalism more, give people disgusted and appalled looks whenever entering or leaving public restrooms and distract people when necessary with the ol' "LOOK IT'S A DEAD BIRD FLYING!!!" routine.

Kudos to me!1

Hot diggity dog, I love god all the same, but all I wanna do is get off

2007-05-19T23:01:08Z

Nigga Please

Talking about minimalism more

2007-01-16T18:38:29Z

I'm gonna have to be pretty blunt here when I say "I hate collages"
I mean REALLY people, sticking poorly cut out pictures of giraffes onto cardboard with paste? Have you no shame? In a few years you'll realize just how stupid you're being! You'll wake up one day in a disorientated haze and say "WHAT HAPPENED?? I USED TO HAVE MONEY! I USED TO HAVE FRIEND! [lack of plural]"
But of course, it'll be too late, you were too fucking high on paste to realize that you're magazine subscriptions were costing you more than just your sweet, sweet money, they were costing you your dignity, your life, your liability FOR GODS SAKE! WAKE UP TO YOURSELVES!

I know you think you're too cool for me, that I'm just "tryin' to cramp yo' style mon", you think you know what you're doing. Oh sure, you're in the drivers seat are you, you think you know where you're going, you've got it allll under control. But look down at what you're driving.... a skateboard... tied to a.. a push bike..
Don't throw your lives away.

druggos and small children living in perfect harmony

HOW TO BE AS COOL AS ME

2006-10-18T18:29:01Z

#1 Drop out of school because you're "way too cool for school"
#2 decide you want to go back to school
#3 drop out again
#4 carry a dictaphone with you at all times so that you can look like a weirdo by recording any "witty" jokes or insults that pop into your head to use at a later date on people who couldn't care less and think you're insane because you're the only one laughing at your jokes. which brings me to..
#5 ALWAYS laugh at your own jokes, to the point where it is awkward for those around you and/or you are asked to settle down.
#6 Use precious family heirlooms/treasured childhood memory items as ash trays
#7 fall over drunkenly in public places often, especially during the daytime
#8 wear a stupid hat
#9 insult people frequently on their attire
#10 after you've had "a few too many" go up to the people you've insulted and try to get into their pants
#11 watch at least 3 hours of childrens televison a day
#12 constantly insist that you are a prime candidate for the Australian of the year award
#13 write a "how to be as cool as me" list

"All my 15 year old friends are aliens dressed as freaks" - Herman, post Quadrangle Disaster.

BREAKING NEWS

2006-09-18T17:18:01Z

NO TIME FOR FORMALITIES!
I'm not sure if you're aware of this or not, but roaming our streets at any time could be teen gangs of up to AND INCLUDING twenty people. When I heard this I actually had a stroke, but I am unable to seek medical attention out of fear of what these teen gangs would do to me if I left my house. And despite the fact that I am obviously seriously injured, I am making a heroic attempt to warn you all before, god forbid, you are killed by these out of control teens.
I'm not asking for the Australian of the year award, but it would be nice.
Here are some startling statistics;
Population of gang members in gangs = 100%
Population of teens who could potentially join gangs = 100%
Chances of death occuring if fatally injured by teen gang member = 100%

YOU DO THE MATH!

Dear Ellen DeGeneres,

2006-08-09T01:09:01Z

HOLY SHIT! I really have to learn how to spell the word "different"
Yes, it's been a while hasn't it. Well it's not MY fault I was involved in a tragic 8 car pile up on Parramatta Road and I've only just awaken from my coma! OR IS IT? Here's a shot from right before the accident, you be the judge...

Yes, as you can see in that photo from my angry facial expression, I was clearly awaiting my impending doom with open arms.

And that's when I realised, I truely was..

"saved by the bell"

I work hard for the money

2006-05-12T01:45:11Z

OMG I'm a working class man, I have a desk and everything.
OMG WTF BBQ

check it

2006-03-25T02:07:42Z

Dear diary,
Mel is a loser!
and ~~possibly~~ definatly a child abuser,
yo.

OK, two girls sitting in a playground drinking.. what seems to be orange juice; suspected terrorism.

2006-01-30T17:16:00Z

UH OH! better watch out for me! I'll be dealing common prescription anti-depressants and anxiety medication on the streets of Glebe! THE LAW CAN'T HOLD ME DOWN!!!! me and mel are a danger to ourselves and those around us! I mean honestly.. a park.. in broad daylight.. so seedy! Thank god those cops took my medication before I OD'd on it cause I was gonna do it y'know?

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

In any case Iggy Pop was sweet and saturday night was fun, I've just lost all hope for our police force, not that I had any, but now we're talking MINUS figures.
Another thing that really makes me love the police force is how after BDO me and my brother stupidly thought it'd be quicker to change at redfern where, of course, a riot broke out outside the station, so they stopped ANY TRAIN from stopping there and told all the men, women and children who were left with no way to get home, to WALK TO CENTRAL, oh yes, just walk outside into the insane riot. THERE WERE WOMEN WITH PRAMS! PRAMS I TELL YOU! so anyway we had to walk to erskinville station.. not that far sure, but just far enough to REALLY PUSH ME OVER THE EDGE.

cheapimmitation @ 2006-01-09T15:49:00

2006-01-09T16:01:21Z

Well, let me start off by saying that I'm just SO disappointed that me and ellen didn't get to go to the movies with sem and gene at 3am, ellen was crying so hard and I just couldn't handle the pressure either, we were really looking forward to that 4th dinner GENTLEMENS SHOUT! I think it's about time I put the past behind me and started stalking people I don't know again. I never made it to to the olympic park closing down rug sale either which was a real shock to the system, I mean 90% off rugs? YOU CAN NEVER HAVE TOO MANY DISCOUNT PRICE RUGS! me and chris broke up, [LOL YOU CAN READ THIS CHRIS HELLO] oh well, as the old saying goes "THE OLD SAYING IS A LIE"

NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS?
* buy at least 10 pairs of spandex shorts cause that look is def coming in this summer
* say "IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME!!!" to more people
* get a jaeorb

These panic attacks are killing me but ellen kim's promised to give me some form of comic relief.

Hey you crazy cats! err.. YOU SO CRAZY!... rawr?

2006-01-03T17:51:22Z

you'd have to get pretty lost to find god!

2005-12-24T12:59:54Z

Hello friend,
I'd like you all to do me a favour, go to your mothers and admit to them that you are poor, and that this troubles you because you can't afford a picture with the olympic torch. If your mother asks you if you are on drugs tell her yes, you are on prescribed medication for your heart burn, for it burns in your heart like the torch you will never see.

cheapimmitation @ 2005-11-26T22:10:00

2005-11-26T11:10:46Z

I HATE MYSELF AND WANT TO DIE!!!

O.M.G

2005-11-19T11:22:33Z

chris just found my phone! on his balcony, it fell out while he was thowing my cigarettes out on to the street, I love you chris.

behind the scenes

2005-11-19T10:58:27Z

well well well, let me just say that on thursday and friday I worked my arse off working in a vinyard, so next time you freaks reach for your cheap merlot, remember me, and think; maybe, just maybe, I've had my dirty mitts all over your special adult grape juice. yesterday I caught the horrid train up here and it was horrid, na duh! then I went and waited half an hour for the LATE bus to newtown, I saw a plastic bag floating in the wind, "IT'S BEAUTIFUL" I exclaimed mocking american beauty, a popular american movie [for those of you who don't know, which is NONE of you] I thought no one heard me but then I saw an old man walking his dog and he looked at me strangely, then I patted his dog and the bus came!!!
then I went out and got drunk in the cemetary, I don't know exactly what it was that made the night so special, maybe it was the copious ammounts of mosquito bites I recieved, maybe it was the fact that I was cold and everyone was unhappy, or maybe it was just the whole BAD feel of the thing that truely made it a night to remember. nah it wasn't that bad but still, it really makes you think..
it doesn't really, but hey, at least we survived. I've lost my phone!
the end

P.S I hate the whole harry potter series SO much.

Kids alive do the five!

2005-11-16T05:23:56Z

The small livings creature, make the five, surround pool, had closed the door, teach its small ones to swim, it are great! It supervises, it gives to attention its it kills - and it learns as to resuscitate.

Hello Kitty has no mouth cause she speaks from the heart

2005-10-31T16:45:50Z

On the train tonight I saw this guy get pwned almost to the point of tears, he was drunkenly rambling to two random strangers for HALF AN HOUR about how great his life was, "I make so much money", "I love my job", "I love my girlfriend" etc. it was really pissing me off as I was TRYING to listen in on a 10yr old girls conversation about her bulimic sister, which was hard to do anyway since there were all these loud dumb 13 year old lesbians trying to out-lesbian eachother "I AM SUCH A LESBIAN!" "there's no chance I would ever touch a guy" "no way I am SO much gayer than you". then mid conversation he was cut short by ticket inspectors, it was sheer brilliance when he was given a $200 fine but to top it off he also missed his stop, it cut him deep and made my day, which wasn't hard to do as all I did today was catch the train.. god I hate the train.

ha ha ha.

2005-10-19T14:00:13Z

Life is sweet and juicy, make sure you waste every minute of it.

this lump on my head works wonders for my beehive!

2005-10-02T05:17:52Z

I've heard the word "copenhagen" FAR too many times today. yesterday was pomo's birthday, I forgot of course, we went to ellens house to take drugs and possibly dance to no music infront of a mirror to "see how bad I'll look" [this was just me] then we went all the way to annandale for NO REASON, where we were shunned and our water was spiked with silkworms. we went back to newtown and drank at an alleged house with some mid-life-crisis's, I frequently insulted people on their attire and was dubbed a "dumb bitch" on many occasions, it was a pretty good night. then it went downhill and I wanted to keel myself, but it all worked out for the best, if best = worst!!!!! pomo, ellen and ron slept over and it was quite a task getting ron out of my house, I made a daisy chain and forced him to take it home with him! HA! chris claims he has a BRAND SPANKING NEW JUST-INVENTED present for me, I hope it's some form of dancing robo-dog. pleasepleaseplease

P.S xXfUcKdAsYsDeMXx LOLZA!!

R.I.P walls

2005-10-01T01:35:49Z

My father painted over my walls! this calls for a poorly done vitamin C song...

as we go on.... we remember... ETC. ETC.

the fuck has turned to shit!

2005-09-29T05:03:35Z

kermit the frog turns 50, details at 5...

so anyway, last night I was praying in the middle of the highway and I got run over and fell on the sidewalk and hit my head! not really, chris MALICIOUSLY tripped me over and I hit my head on the curb, not really but I did hit my head and it hurts big time. I'm pretty bored with life and all the fruits it has to offer, in any case I want to join the Australian Shooters Association so I may finally sit on a porch in a rocking chair rocking back and forth with a rifle in my arms *sighs wistfully*.
Ta ta.

2005-09-16T20:32:39Z

can you believe I have to go and catch 3 hours worth of trains right now? CAN YOU? at this hour in the morning! it took me double the time to get ready cause you know how those early morning religious programs are, very distracting.. last night I accidently stayed signed in on msn, it was an experiment that proved to be very rewarding as it gave me something to do during the long hours of trying to stay awake, chuckle at peoples frustration that is. OMG my time is running out.

may god have mery on your souls, and may you all purchase the tony robbins inspirational cassete tapes.

Oh, just shut up you're only sixteen

2005-09-04T17:18:13Z

serz, what's up with the whole phlegm thing? I mean, I've been sick as a dog for a few days now and really, WHERE DOES SNOT COME FROM? how can it just be so never ending, I mean, I'm no film critic but I think this definatly has something to do with the never ending story, SPEAKING OF WHICH, I know how many people must say this on a daily basis but like... it ends... and like, it's supposed to be never ending.. no, no just kidding, I mean I'm sure there's a logical explanation behind it of which I'm oblivious to as I can't even remember what the never ending story is about, anyway I don't want to rant about it cause when I get started on the never ending story, I'll never end! LOL BEST CALL EVER.
saturday night chris's BRILLIANT plan of buying many willy wonka golden ticket chocolates and going to see the movie on acid FELL THROUGH and we ended up at a strip club drinking "the bluest cocktails they had". possibly fighting melth for a broken umbrella handle.

tomorrow I have to go and pick paloma up from school [not really] cause I need my filthy jindabyne deposit monkey back [yes I said monkey not money] as I am SO DIRT POOR, I SHOULD BE RUBBING MYSELF IN THE DIRT. and I need to pay for something on ebay, omgomg I can't get negative feedback, THEN I'LL HAVE A DIRTY SMUDGE ON MY RECORD THAT WILL HAUNT ME FOREVER AND NO ONE ON EBAY WILL EVER SELL TO ME AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, bye.